trans poetica
signs you might be trans:
you only ever got in your dad’s pool wearing a baggy tshirt and his old red swim trunks,
drawstrings tied as tight as possible
you told Professor Rowan you were a boy in Pokémon Pearl in 2007
you couldn’t stop smelling your arm and shirt after your brother sprayed you with Axe
that one time
your period serves two purposes: progressing the plot, and reminding you of what you’ll
never always have
you’re unrecognizable in high school without either your new Modern Baseball hoodie or
your yellow cardigan, the one that matches your dad’s, layered over a slew of
band tees stolen from your brother
you think you might be trans, you wish you were trans, you’re sure everyone wants to be
trans1
you choose the character with short black hair2 in Pokémon Shining Pearl in 2021
you don’t feel it when part of you3 gets caught in zippers or sticks out of your new and
itchy boxers
you burst into tears unpacking boxes at 2am with your partner when they gift you their
old copy of The Dangerous Book for Boys
you love to hear the story of how your parents did not want to know your sex before your
birth, the way your brother wanted you to be a boy and your sister wanted you to
be a girl, the way your brother cried and cried when your parents brought you
home in pink to a decidedly gender neutral Noah’s Ark themed nursery, the way
everyone eventually got what they wanted4
he comes home from work and tells you about an employee who’s a woman now5
he seems to recruit your stepmom to help you fit in more at your new school6
he gets drunk and describes7 the supposed brutality of gender confirming surgeries
he compares you to him in high school (and god it feels pointed)
he makes sure you know the Church’s standing on queerness, makes sure you know you
can have whatever thoughts and urges you want so long as you don’t act on it
you don’t act on it until his funeral
1 everyone does not want this
2 you were happy to see that the game removed the gender question this time around
3 you type/delete/retype any and every line about your literal body, ultimately deleting the word dick every time
4 just not in the way they wanted
5 in less kind terms
6 you never get it white right
7 in more sensationalized terms
SG Huerta (@sg_poetry) is a Chicano poet from Dallas. They are pursuing their MFA at Texas State University where they serve as the nonfiction editor for Porter House Review. SG is the author of the chapbook The Things We Bring with Us: Travel Poems, whose title poem was nominated for a Pushcart Prize (Headmistress Press, 2021). Their work has appeared in Infrarrealista Review, Variant Lit, and others. They live in Texas with their partner and two cats, Lorca and Yulyeong.